Once upon a time there was a very awesome, faithful, brilliant boy who had everything going for him and his whole life mapped out ahead of him. He knew where he wanted to go to college, he had scholarships lined up...and knew that he would serve a mission as soon as he graduated from high school. He started filling out his paperwork as soon as he was able, got everything turned in, and sat back to wait for the news. News that, he didn't realize at the time, would never come...
Here's the basic problem...He worries about stuff. There is no other way to say it, except to say that he worries. Worrying about stuff was the match that lit the fuse that led to this giant house of cards going up in flames. He filled out his own paperwork, and, being the brutally honest soul that he is, he laid it all out there on the line--that he has a bit of anxiety.
For those that have anxiety, you'll know that it's nothing to be trifled with. But the basic problem here is that his anxiety is not by any means severe, and, truth be told, it has actually served him in a good way for most of his life. He doesn't procrastinate, he gets everything done--not only does he do it in a timely fashion, but he gets it done to the best of his ability every time.
A little background is called for here. This is a kid that has been a straight A student all through high school. He has been a member of FBLA and DECA, won first place in his state competitions and been to Nationals four times--one of those times he even placed in the top 16, higher than any student before him from his school at the time. He took a public speaking class and loves to speak--he wanted to apply to be a speaker at graduation and the only reason he didn't is because he wanted to invest his time in getting ready for his mission and didn't want to take on something else. He has carried a very hard school schedule with AP classes and concurrent enrollment classes, always looking ahead to his college days, participated in the clubs I already mentioned, and held down the same job for more than two years--he's now been there longer than the managers. He is a hard worker, he's smart, he's determined... he knows where he's going and what he wants. And right now, what he wants is to serve a mission. But as of right now, the stars are not aligning in his favor.
So let's go back to that pesky paperwork he filled out...Like I said, he was brutally honest, and told them about his anxiety. This was necessary, because he takes a low dose of medication that has helped him relax just a bit, and he will probably need to stay on it during the course of his mission. (Although he has recently been told that once his mission is over he can probably look at getting off of it because he just doesn't seem to have the need for it anymore.) He also put on that paperwork that he "might" have OCD, because, being the worrywart that he is, he is always worrying that maybe he's washing his hands too often. But I have been present for all of his 18 years, and, while he does wash his hands a lot, truthfully, we could probably all use a little more soap in our lives, and I don't consider what he does to be excessive.
I'll just go ahead and give you the bottom line moral to this story, big fat warning to all parents of prospective missionaries right here:
DON'T LET YOUR KIDS FILL OUT THEIR OWN PAPERWORK WITHOUT YOUR SUPERVISION!!!
That was my big mistake...right there and has led to a whole firestorm of grief.
Once the paperwork was turned in, because of the anxiety, he was red flagged for needing a pre-mission assessment. So we waited for someone to contact us and set up an appointment. It took a couple of weeks to get in, and I wasn't worried because I know my son, and I know there is no reason to think this is a problem...it was just something that needed to be done to assure people that he was okay to go, so he'd go in for the interview, we'd go home, all would be well, and the call would come.
WOW! Was I wrong, or WHAT!..
So he went to the interview with this woman that I later found out was actually an adoption counselor, working with couples that are trying to adopt. She is not a psychiatrist, or a psychologist...nothing with credentials that should permit her to diagnose any kind of a mental disorder at all. But yet, here we are...and he meets with her, and we have no idea what she got from the interview until the assessment that she turns in goes to the mission department...which is when the proverbial crap hits the fan...
I got a copy of the assessment and I was completely floored! I'm not sure who that woman was talking to, but it was definitely not MY son. Nothing she had to say sounded like him in any way--I've known him his whole life, I've been there since he took his first breath...and the person she evaluated was someone I didn't even recognize. She writes of him being afraid to be in large groups, afraid to get up in front of crowds, afraid of failure and has a couple of "irrational fears' that I won't mention. She goes on to diagnose him with OCD because of his hand washing, listing the number of times he washes his hands at work and specifies how excessive it is. I could go on and on with all the drivel that was written in this insanely inaccurate report, but I won't. She sums it up by stating that his chances of success at a regular proselytizing mission are "poor" and recommends that he be designated for a church service mission only.
For those serving on service missions, I must clearly state that this is an honorable way to serve...IF this is what you can do. For many with health issues, etc, this is a very great opportunity. But in this case, it is a complete overreach. Not appropriate in any way.
But here's the deal-- Yes he washes his hands a lot at work. That's because he's making PIZZA. So for all of you that are out there eating pizza, thank your lucky stars that he's washing his hands AS HIS EMPLOYER REQUIRES. The woman interviewing him asked about number of times, but didn't bother with asking him for the reason. He has to wash them between every pizza to avoid transferring flavors. Seriously. And she didn't ask.
As for the other concocted statements...how does someone that competes in business competitions over the course of two years, takes a public speaking class, and considers applying to speak at graduation have a fear of getting up in front of crowds? Or hesitate to be in large groups? Nothing she said was accurate. I was furious. Anyone that knows him will tell you that all of this is utter nonsense.
So I wrote a letter of my own, taking apart her assessment piece by piece with EVIDENCE of why she was wrong...because I felt like it really needed to be said. Here she is, taking this poor kid apart after speaking with him for a mere 50 minutes, and she got everything wrong! I do realize that there are parents out there that are so desperate to get their kid on a mission they will say and do anything to make it happen, but I am not one of them. I firmly and wholeheartedly believe that he is capable of serving--there is no doubt in my mind. This is what was driving me as I wrote my letter.
Next step...the Bishop and the Stake President go to bat for us. They request that a second assessment be done at another office by someone else. In the meantime, they have completely taken his name OFF the list of prospective missionaries, and the word is, he will have to go one year "OCD SYMPTOM FREE" before they will reconsider him. Great.
So after a whole lot of arm pulling, we finally get a second assessment. We go out to another office, and he meets with a whole different person. After that meeting was over, I asked him about the difference between the two interviews, and he told me they were night and day different. Basically, he felt like the first woman was fishing for something...almost like she had an agenda from the beginning, and told me that the second question she asked him was how he would feel about serving a church service mission. Why would she ask that if she didn't already have an agenda? I think she walked into that interview with him expecting it to go one way...and then she steered that ship right into port.
Interestingly enough, the second assessment came back and said there was no reason she could see that he couldn't serve a full time mission. Wow...what a difference a day and an interviewer makes. So it's on to the next step...
The Stake President has to appeal the first assessment. And we have to continue to wait. And wait. And wait. And here we are...still waiting.
Finally I heard that we would be hearing something this week, but apparently that is wrong. The person reviewing his paperwork is "concerned" because there is no mention of OCD in the second assessment. But here's the funny thing (except that it isn't funny anymore...I have grown weary of this process and nothing is funny about it at all) HE DOES NOT HAVE OCD!!!!! He has never been diagnosed with OCD by any medical professional--the doctor he saw about his anxiety discussed with him the idea that he might have OCD and he clearly felt that he did NOT and there was no need to even look into it further--the only concern was the hand washing, and THE DOCTOR didn't think it was excessive or a problem that needed follow up. I can't state it any clearer--HE DOES NOT HAVE OCD! Why this is still an issue is beyond me. And so still we are waiting.
Ready for a touch of irony? This boy, the one they are claiming is not fit to serve...he has so much faith that up until recently, none of this was even phasing him. What did he say when told that we were on hold after the first assessment...when I was so mad I could spit nails?... he said "My patriarchal blessing says I will serve a mission, so I have faith that it will all work out." He has remained steadfast and strong and faithful throughout this entire process. His testimony is as strong as ten men all rolled into one. THIS...is the boy they say can't go on a mission.
No so for me.
I am fed up and angry and ready to throw in the towel. And now, after four months, I am starting to see discouragement on my son's face because he is finally getting tired of waiting. I am angry because of all the boys that go while we are sitting here--boys that go despite the fact that they are not worthy, or go only because their parents or their girlfriends or society in general are forcing them to go, or because they have been told their whole life that it is required. Those boys get to go. And my son, who is worthy, willing, has such a strong desire to go...he is not allowed. And I find myself questioning the whole process. I am bitter and angry. Where is the inspiration here? I do not understand. Friends are full of all kinds of encouraging words for me...but right about now they have no meaning to me.
Let me also mention that, over the course of the last six months, we have dealt with our fair share of trials. I'm pretty sure the Adversary has come after me specifically. I guess he figures if he can destroy the mother then he gets the whole family...
In the meantime, we are still waiting. My son deferred his scholarships so that he will be ready to come right home and start college. Only now, he may not even leave in time to get back before the deferment ends. He's working two jobs and biding his time...keeping his faith as best he can, which is pretty good considering mine feels like it's gone. I hope he has enough for both of us.
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