I remember the days at my grandma's house when you could pick up the phone and listen to the neighbor's conversations on the party line. (Coincidentally, I also remember how aggravating it was to sit and wait for said neighbor to get off the phone so you could make a phone call.)
I remember the days of wanting to speak privately to my friends and having to stretch the curly phone cord as far as possible just to get away from the kitchen where someone was ALWAYS there listening. Then there was the parent always standing stalwartly by reminding you that you're tying up the line so it's time to get off.
I remember the day we first got a CORDLESS phone...and I was actually able to take it off to my room and talk in private! Wow, was that a great day! But again, the parents were always lurking nearby reminding me that the phone belonged to the whole family and I was not allowed to monopolize it.
I remember the days of prank phone calls! In particular I remember a day when my best friend and I were calling a boy and pranking him over and over again...all being completely discreet and sneaky right up until the point where my little sister picked up the extension and said MY NAME (along with some really nasty stuff that I won't repeat here...) I remember the horror we felt as the phone rang and we knew he was calling us back. But even more horrifying than that was when he tattled on us to our parents and my friend's mom and my dad hauled the three of us over to their house to apologize. Ahhh...good times!
Here's a not so pleasant phone memory: When I was away at college my first year, my apartment of six girls was lucky enough to score ourselves our very own obscene phone caller. This idiot would call and say things in a whisper and we could never hear him (or maybe he did it on purpose) and we would always say "excuse me?" making him repeat his perversions in a louder voice. One of my roommates had been away for several days and was unaware of the obscene caller, so when she got back late one night and the phone rang, she answered it. Instead of saying "excuse me?" like the rest of us, she decided o pull a funny and say "Oh, you must be looking for Wendy." From that day forward, our friendly pervert would call and ask for me by name. That was really fun, let me tell you...
Push button phones...call waiting...answering machines...all of these things were like beautiful miraculous inventions. No more taking ten minutes to call someone using the rotary dial only to find out the line is busy and you'll have to do it all again in a few minutes.... I also remember the very first time I had caller ID. I called everyone I knew and told them to call me just so I could see it work. It was awesome! But it also meant the end of all that fun prank phone calling, which really is a bit of a shame. Phones are a beautiful thing...and then came cell phones.
Don't get me wrong--I LOVE my cell phone. We love our cell phones so much we got rid of our home phone (mostly because no one would answer it...which is really weird because when I was young we all jumped to answer the phone, always hoping it was for us.) I even love texting. It is so easy to text someone and let them get back to you when they can instead of worrying that you are disturbing them in the middle of something by...(gasp)...calling them.
But here is the problem. I don't know if everyone else's kids are like mine, but my kids won't make a freaking phone call! What is up with that? I have had several text messages from my daughter that go something like this:
"Can I get a ride?"
"Hello?'
"Hello?"
"Ride, please."
"Hello?"
"Mom?"
"Mom?"
"MOM!!!"
Now, in my own defense I was not intentionally ignoring her. Maybe my phone was sitting in the kitchen and I was elsewhere. Or maybe I had left it in my purse. My ring is very loud but my text notification is just a little "ding" so I missed it....a whole bunch of times. I have told my kids that when the situation is urgent, you need an immediate response, CALL ME! But no one seems to get this message. My favorite was this one:
"Can you bring me some toilet paper?"
"Hello?"
"I'm in the downstairs bathroom and there isn't any toilet paper."
"Hello?"
"HELLO?"
"TOILET PAPER!"
(Because we all know that when you type in all caps it makes the notification louder and more likely to be heard and acknowledged...)
"MOOOOOMMMM!!!"
":("
Yep. Because a frowny face is the answer to all dilemmas.
My kids don't know this, but this has happened so many times now, and I have told them to call me instead of texting SO MANY TIMES that now, if they do this I am intentionally ignoring them. First of all, check for toilet paper when you go in the bathroom in the first place and be prepared. Second, DIAL THE PHONE!
I can't even tell you how many times I have told my kids to call someone and ask something...usually it's something urgent, like ordering pizza. This is the response I have come to expect: "I'm scared." Seriously. Probably because of the high number of deaths by phone call that have been reported lately.
Here is another problem I have with texting: the banter that goes on between boys and girls. Some of the things that are said are things that they would never in a million years say to that person's face (or over the phone, as it were). And everything is followed by a winky face. Give me a break! So everyone is flirting back and forth, winking like crazy (and please, just stop for a minute and imagine a world where we all winked as much in real life as teenagers do in their texts...it's a pretty weird image and if I saw someone winking that much I would think they needed to see an eye doctor or a neurologist) and saying things they would not say out loud. So, as a girl, reading all these beautiful flirty things that are being said to me, I imagine what this person is like--and that's all I can do, is imagine, because it isn't REAL. In my mind I create this person the way I imagine them to be...and the sad part about it is, the minute we are together, maybe on a date or something, I am finally meeting the real person and there is NO WAY they can live up to the image I created in my head. For one thing, that person is not going to be WINKING...and if he did I would be a little frightened. Instead of saying all these flirty, romantic, nice things out loud, he will act awkward and shy and probably a little bit stupid. Does it mean he didn't mean the things he said to me in text? Probably not--I'm sure he meant them all...but in the olden days back when I was a young 'un, you kept those thoughts in your head until a much later date...This relationship is doomed from the start. It's actually pretty sad when you think about it.
The thing that my kids are missing is the beauty of having that person call you...the one you are waiting to hear from. You hear their voice, and you can understand what they mean by listening to their tone and the inflection they use and even the long pauses mean something. And then let's talk for a minute about a face to face conversation! Nothing beats sitting with someone, having a conversation, and being able to look someone in the eye and read their body language, and see the expression on their face or in their eyes that helps you connect with them. And how about the idea that when you are either on the phone or face to face you actually have that person's undivided attention.
I know that it's a brave new world, and this technology is here to stay, and all my ranting in the world about it isn't going to change anything...but still I can't help but feel like something is lost. I will continue to try and get my kids to make phone calls and I'm sure they will continue to buck the system and text me when they're out of toilet paper (a battle which, by the way, I can win considering I am not the one stuck on the toilet), try to fall in love in writing, and refuse to order pizza if it requires actual speech. I just hope that at that point in the future where I'm having a stroke someone will call 911 instead of trying to text it in.
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